Apparently, I have control issues. For instance, when it comes to the wildlife in my backyard, I really need the creatures that I meet out there to run away in fear. Or, at least run away. Instead they need to defy me. They seem to give me the old stink-eye, like a teenager who has just realized you’re the most stupid person on earth. Amazing.
Aren’t I a hundred times larger than the little lizard living behind my trash cans? Shouldn’t he cower in fear? I know if I saw a ten-story bald man coming at me in progressive lenses I’d run like the wind. What happened to “fight or flight?” It’s now “flight or be ornery.”
I helped my neighbor trouble-shoot is malfunctioning cable box. Yes, like I told my wife, I should have just joined the A.V. Club in high school and gotten a jump start on all this tech support jazz.
In two weeks I’ll find out whether on of my battery of doctors wants to have that thing on my ankle biopsied. I think in two weeks I will be dead from thinking about it for two weeks. I try not to think about it all the time, but I do think about it all the time, even when I’m supposed to be driving safely.
If I only had three months to live, I wouldn’t go to Paris, even though I’d never been. I want to visit everywhere I’d ever been on more time…
PREMIUM EDITION: Fifty minutes
FREE EDITION: Twenty-seven, thirty-nine
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
If you did have only a few weeks to live, I know a couple of jobs you could hold. A couple I once had where everyday felt like an eternity.