Apparently, I have control issues.  For instance, when it comes to the wildlife in my backyard, I really need the creatures that I meet out there to run away in fear.  Or, at least run away.  Instead they need to defy me.  They seem to give me the old stink-eye, like a teenager who has just realized you’re the most stupid person on earth.  Amazing.

Aren’t I a hundred times larger than the little lizard living behind my trash cans?  Shouldn’t he cower in fear?  I know if I saw a ten-story bald man coming at me in progressive lenses I’d run like the wind.  What happened to “fight or flight?”  It’s now “flight or be ornery.”

I helped my neighbor trouble-shoot is malfunctioning cable box.  Yes, like I told my wife, I should have just joined the A.V. Club in high school and gotten a jump start on all this tech support jazz.

In two weeks I’ll find out whether on of my battery of doctors wants to have that thing on my ankle biopsied.  I think in two weeks I will be dead from thinking about it for two weeks.  I try not to think about it all the time, but I do think about it all the time, even when I’m supposed to be driving safely.

If I only had three months to live, I wouldn’t go to Paris, even though I’d never been.  I want to visit everywhere I’d ever been on more time…

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