Well, I’m off the Paxil (I think) and back from “The Big Island.” I’m sure it has an actual name, but that what I call it because it’s easier than remembering Wahalamakaluaiu (or whatever it is).
Yes, back from Paradise on Earth (a.k.a. The Four Seasons Resort, Kona), back from hanging out with the excellent BMW dealers of the western U.S. of A., and back from being in yet another setting where I end up feeling like a unicorn or three headed toad or some other strange and unimaginable creature.
Yes, the full grown adult male who actually wants to spend serious play time with his own children in an upper-middle class setting is somewhat of an anomaly…
I might feel differently if I actually made enough money to hire a nanny and play golf all day and wear a dive watch in the hot tub, but I really don’t think so. I think I would still just snorkel with the kids. Does that make me strange? Good, bring it on!
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I’m pretty sure the “big island” is called Hawaii, the entire archipeligo was then named after it.
Dan:
Once again proving the only retained foreign object I need to worry about is my head!
All the best,
Rob Rice
All I can say is…DIVE WATCH. I couldn’t stop laughing. Good one.
Dan,
I think that you just might get it. The hired help shouldn’t get all the good quality time with the family. The trouble is that you’re in California, it’s easier to forget that you should go home and be with the family when you aren’t cold and miserable. It’s just not natural.
All the best,
Josh
Dear Dan
I have been thinking about the show all day, having listened on the way to work this morning.
I just wanted to say “well done” for your stance on bringing up your kids and the rampant consumerism that we have all allowed ourselves to be pressured by, it certainly echoed most of my own thoughts. Here in the UK, I think we are every bit as obsessed with “looking good/successful” as in the USA. I can’t tell you how many pretty rough areas I have driven through to see new cars on the driveway. Even on our own new housing development there are people driving porsches whilst living in shoebox sized houses. The reason – more people can see what you drive and form an impression of your standing than those that can see where you live.
My wife and I drive 11 year old cars racking up 97,000 and 108,000 miles respectively and we are more than happy with them – they have AC, give reasonable economy, have good stereos and have cost us almost nothing to maintain. We have young kids too and they trash the cars, so buying new would be insane! So why do we do this when we know that most of our neighbours probably think we are odd for not jumping down the His and hers BMW route that most take? The reason is that we prefer to spend money on our kids, and this includes supporting a mortgage that is insane, just to get a reasonable house with a good garden for the children near a very good school that we can walk the kids to.
We probably do buy them too many toys, but I say they are only young once and have turned out to be great kids. On day trips, short holidays or any kind of trip with the kids, we take the view that, if the kids are happy, we are happy. Our back garden is pretty much used by the kids to play in – trampoline, climbing frame and is not a shrine to the decking god – why have a space that is pretty much useless for small children just so you can show your friends and neighbours how successful you are by having a lanscaped garden?
You’re absolutely dead on the money in your comments about how other parents engage in a lot of peer pressure to persuade you to conform to their view on childcare. The reason why they do this is they know that if you put your kids first, it will only make them feel guilty about how they treat their kids. We know some parents who put their kids in 7am to 6pm childcare 5 days a week and then go on holiday and pretty much do the same there too. And they wonder why they can’t understand their kids?!
I have a relative who has fallen into this consumerist trap and they pretty much ensure that a combination of after school activities and after school care clubs means that they don’t see their kids until they pick them up after 6pm every work day. So they spend a fortune on buying self-help books about bringing up kids, all the while ignoring the basic fact that, if they spent a few more hours actually engaging with their kids instead of working or working at home/doing adult stuff whilst the kids are sat in front of the TV, they might actually understand their kids better.
We are spellbound at the development of our 3 and 5 year olds. They drive us insane most of the time, but I would not have them any other way. How much better does it get to see an excited child doing something really cool with you on a one to one level, to have “that look” on their faces as you play with them or teach them something really cool.
I work in a professional services environment and I can’t tell you how often I get strange looks when i tell my colleagues that I work to live, not live to work. I have arranged my hours now so that I get in early (but not that early that I don’t see my kids) and I leave at 4pm so that we can all eat together as a family and have a little time to do stuff. And if there is a toss up between a client problem and my kids, you know who wins, every time. I work in tax and, after all, it’s just tax, not a life threatening illness and I can pretty much manage to deal with almost everything in my hours of work. Yet many of my colleagues with children regularly work ’till gone 7pm, work weekends, take work home and I have always wondered why. I guess it is peer pressure to conform to the “work hard” model, and that equates to being the last in the office. I say that is insane. I had one colleague tell me the other day that satisfying the client was all that mattered, not his own life outside the office. He needs treatment!
There is a growing trend I see here of guys in middle/upper management wanting really large families, and I think this is because having a large family whilst holding down a management job is like a badge of honor or trophy – the more kids, the more successful you look, notwithstanding you won’t be able to fit in the kids around your busy work schedule, or golf/tennis etc.
So we have got to a stage now where many kids are mere trophy’s to their parents – a sign that they have “made it”. Having kids allows parents of a certain type to exponentially increase their perceived wealth and success – private education, expensive pushchairs (yes, even on really run down streets), etc.
We need to change, or we are fucked as a society. Even now there is an army of kids about 10+ who simply believe that they have a right to do whatever they want and will react violently if challenged. We have had several cases here in the past year of gangs of kids kicking people to death who simply challenged them over an act of vandalism or minor behavior issues. Most teachers have been similarly threatened. I put a lot of this at the door of the consumerist society that encourages parents to pretty much abandon their kids to the schools for discipline, because they are just not around or can’t be bothered. A recent study showed a lot of 5 year olds in schools have not been toilet trained.
I have written far too much, so I will stop.
Thanks Dan, you’re an inspiration to all of us
Wayne
Well said, Wayne. Well said. Thanks for the post.
Let’s redefine success, either for the 21st Century, or at least for those of us who value family over things.
oooh wonderful! just what I was looking for! inspiration man
Odds Odds
Good stuff, Dan! Thanks for interesting material!